Not For Kicks
by The Angry American
Summary: Years of treatment for Hyde pushes Michael Kelso off the edge. And now payback's on his mind. What kind of plan does Kelso have in mind? Will he get Hyde back with one single prank? Or does he...? A little bit of warning: This story is very unexpected. Rated T for safety.


**"Not For Kicks"**

**Rated T**

**Disclaimer: I don't own nothing involving the characters of That 70's Show. That's it.**

* * *

Saturday morning was quite interesting in the Forman kitchen. So far, Eric was busy pouring himself a fresh glass of orange juice, while staring at the delicious plate of eggs bacon and toast sitting before him. Meanwhile, his friend Michael Kelso was staring at the doorway with a sneer on his face for some unknown reason.

Why on earth could Michael Kelso be so upset and angry about?

It was about the insults and sneak attacks that Kelso's friend Steven Hyde gave to him all of those years. The time that Hyde would always make Kelso fall down on the watertower. The time when Hyde stole Jackie under Kelso's nose, when it was corrected that Jackie left Kelso in the first place since his trip to California. And not to forget the time that Hyde always punched him when Kelso would always make an offensive comment about Hyde's mother in a cruel sexual way.

Kelso decided that enough was enough. Now it was time for payback to be a total bitch.

And what better way than to see Hyde walk in that door and have Kelso kick him in the no-no spot? That'll finally show that stoner what for. If that is, if Hyde does happen to walk through the kitchen door.

Being a little disturbed, Eric spoke to his friend.

"Kelso, what on earth are you doing?"

"Funny you should ask, Eric!" Kelso exclaimed in a snark, "I'm waiting for Hyde to come through that door so he can become the newest Bee Gee."

"Well..." Eric said clearing his throat, "Even if you do think of kicking him in the whatnots, I highly doubt that Hyde comes in from the living room."

"Quit your worrying, Eric." Kelso scoffed, "I am very sure that Hyde's gonna come in and I'm gonna kick him right in the holy Johnsons. You sound like you're on dope."

Rolling out his eyes, Eric gave Kelso an eye-opening ultimatum.

"I still say it's a bad idea, Kelso. You always try this stupid stunt every time. Remember the first time you tried this, Fez walked in and you kicked him in the nuts so hard, he was sent to a hospital to get his testicles re-attached. Not to mention that the second time you kicked someone in the balls, you got Bob. His nuts hurt so bad, he's got a restraining order against you for the next ten years. I'm telling you, Kelso. There is no way Hyde is gonna walk in from the living room."

"I say that you're wrong, Eric! I'm a doubter. And I prove everyone wrong!" Kelso exclaimed, feeling determined that his arch-rival was about to walk in the kitchen anytime soon.

Seeing that he wasn't getting anywhere with this, Eric decided to ignore him for the worst and continue eating his breakfast..

"Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you, Kelso..." Eric cringed a little.

"Shh! Shh!" Kelso said, shushing Eric a bit, "Hyde's coming. Don't make a noise..."

Kelso suddenly heard footsteps behind the kitchen door. As the pretty-boy nutjob predicted, the sound of footsteps _did_ in fact, come from the living room.

Kelso stanced himself with anticipation. His lip biting with pure vengeance. His foot drawing power from the energy surrounding him.

The door started to creak and out came a mysterious person.

With desire, Kelso rushed up...

...bent his foot back...

...

...

...and nailed the poor sucker in the crotch!

It brought a smile to Kelso's face. He can't believe he'd finally pull it off without any worries nonetheless!

But something didn't feel right. In Eric's POV, he was shocked at the entire image. Kelso looked on to his little friend and questionably raised an eyebrow. Basically, Eric would be cringing at the impact that Kelso's foot took on the poor bastard, but Eric's face had a look of fear and horror. He couldn't believe what Kelso had done.

Kelso's foot felt something strange. Since when did Hyde had a woman's hoo-hah?

He finally learned his mistake. He turned to the mysterious figure...

...

...

...

...which happened to be Kitty Forman, Eric's mother!

Kelso's entire heart dropped like a stone. His foot had painfully struck Kitty in the swimsuit region. Kitty tried not to scream in pain, but it was too late. With the pain jolting through her insides, she screamed!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH!"

Kitty's shrieking cry of pain damaged Eric and Kelso's eardrums, nearly shattering their sense of hearing.

"Oh my god, Mrs. Forman! I'm so sorry!" Kelso shouted, trying his best to calm Kitty down.

"WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM, MICHAEL?" Kitty screamed painfully again.

"It was supposed to be an honest-to-God prank on Hyde! It wasn't meant for you!" Kelso cried in fear.

However, Kitty's painful scream woke her husband Red right up. He went downstairs, only to get a glimpse of the image that he didn't wanna see. When Kelso looked right at him, Red's anger lit up like a volcano.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MY WIFE, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS?!" Red screamed out of anger.

"Mr. Forman, I'm sorry!" Kelso replied frantically, trying to explain an reason for this incident. "This was supposed to be a prank on Hyde! I didn't know she would walk in on it! You gotta understand me! All of it was an accident!"

"I understand..." Red muttered.

But then, Red's voice rose in anger again.

"I UNDERSTAND THAT YOUR ASS IS DEAD, COURTESY OF MY FOOT!"

"Oh sh-!" Kelso said, right before he turned his back on Red...

...and started to dash out of here, but alas...

...Red suddenly caught him by his leg and started dragging him to the living room. Kelso managed to grab on to the ledges of the door, hoping to escape from the soon-to-be beating that Red was gonna hand him.

"ERIC, HELP!" Kelso shouted at his friend.

"Sorry, Kelso... I'm still eating." Eric chuckled, "But maybe Hyde can help you. He just came out of the basement."

Suddenly, Kelso turned around and saw Hyde coming upstairs from the Forman's basement with a can of soda in his hand. Like he would be stupid enough to fall for Kelso's stupid prank. In the process, he saw Kitty holding her hoo-hah painfully on the kitchen floor.

"Oh, hey Kelso." Hyde smirked, "I see you tried to kick me in the balls, but I see that didn't turn out well..."

"It was an accident! I just wanted to get payback on you for hitting me and making me fall off the watertower!" Kelso cried out desperately, "Now please tell Red it was an accident! I'm too fragile to get his entire foot up my pretty butt!"

"I would, but I wouldn't risk anything that involves anal surgery, so... you're on your own!" Hyde smirked at him as he left the kitchen.

With no help, Red finally got Kelso out of the kitchen. What Red would do to this poor sucker would be nothing short of dangerous. In fact, it was so dangerous that Eric finally had the courage to get up off his seat, take his breakfast and go downstairs to his basement for safety.

And for Kelso, this little moment would never be the same for him again.

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**I sure hope Kelso rented out a good morgue...**

**Anyway, since I felt bored, I figured I'd give out a good twistful one-shot. You know what to do from here. (;D)**


End file.
